I will come straight to the point on this one. Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety among graduate students are increasing at a worrisome rate worldwide and can be attributed to a variety of factors but not limited to the immense pressure of performing and publishing in peer reviewed journals, secure funding in the current brutally hyper competitive market, land a job after your PhD, the poor pay scale of the students, especially during inflation making it almost impossible to make both ends meet among others. During our PhDs, many of us end up working in the lab for more than 12-14 hours a day putting our own health at risk. Add to this lack of sleep, a clean eating routine and the constant pressure of meeting deadlines, presentations, meetings, courses, and exams (especially in the first two years). It is more difficult for people like I who moved to a different country, away from family and friends to pursue their PhD. There would always be a feeling of isolation in the unknown city and loneliness. It drove me to a very dark place for a very long time. Although I came back with the help of my very supportive and loving husband and a few close friends, I learnt a few wise lessons.

Mental health lessons I learnt during my PhD

• Compare yourself with yourself. Productivity and success (peer reviewed publications) needs to be defined in your own terms. It might not look the same for you and your peers. Your friend in the same academic year published in his/her second year of PhD whereas it took you six years to do so. It imbibes a shame that you are perhaps not good enough. But please know that this alone is not a measure of your productivity. Productivity might not even look the same every day. And this is okay! It is important to remember that this is your journey and yours alone. It is important to accept that there will be lows. There will be weeks or even months when all your experiments will fail. You will feel like giving up. But it is crucial to know that the struggles you face and the troubleshooting you do only add depths to your scientific maturity at the end of the process. I realized this when I started my postdoc career.
• Recognize the red flags and the toxic triggers in your workplace before it is too late. As PhD students, we end up spending the biggest chunk of our day in the laboratory working with our peers and the lab becomes our second home. Therefore, what happens in the lab potentially affects our mental wellbeing. While some of us are fortunate to have supportive PIs and colleagues, others experience severe emotional challenges due to hostile work environment. Over the course of my academic career of 10years, I have seen and met many toxic lab PIs and co-researchers. I know a few people who believe staying in the lab till late night will define whether you are working hard. I know, it sucks! Few of my close friends also suffered silently in abusive labs. Sometimes, it is not easy to switch to a different lab or report the PI or the coworker(s).
• Take a step back and pause. While it is important to meet deadlines, it is equally important to devote some time for self-care. At first, it may feel like you are devoting less time for research but trust me. In the long run, this will only make things better. For me, a bit of stress and having a deadline helps me to stay streamlined and brings out the most productivity from me. But as I moved on from my PhD to postdoc, and now to a corporate job, I have realized the difference in the fine balance between the beneficial stress that can push you to do better and the overwhelming one that can throw you into the pits. It will be a lie if I said I can always balance my work stress, no, I cannot. But I am working on this.
• Seek help from the resources available to you. Majority of the students do not talk about their mental health due to the stigma associated with it or the lack of access to mental healthcare. I personally immensely benefitted from talking to a therapist when my PhD journey hit rock bottom.
• Try not to bring your work stress home. I have learnt from my own mistakes. It is normal to have a crappy day at work and feel devastated. It is also perfectly okay to share it with your partner or spouse at the end of the day when you come home. But do not let the work stress affect your relationship. They don’t deserve this. Neither do you.
• If doing a PhD has been your dream, then this roller coaster ride will emotionally drain you. Remember, while your work is important, it does not define your entire existence. Do not alienate your family and loved ones. Identify your tribe and keep them close- they are the ones who will support you during your meltdown moments.

Moving is scary. It is a massive undertaking. Moving to a new city for a career change takes that stress and amplifies it manifold. I have moved to a new city a total of three times so far in my life. First was ten years ago when I moved from India to the US to pursue my PhD. The second was when I moved to Nashville with my husband to train for my post doctorate work. This was the place where my husband and I started living together for the first time since our marriage. We built memories here, bit by bit, laugh by laugh. It’s the place where we adopted our first dog- Princess Waffle who also happens to be the best dog in the entire world! I was starting to get very comfortable with the life we built for ourselves here and then the pandemic happened. Poof. Two years passed in the blink of an eye. After two life altering events including one traumatic personal loss, I was ready for a big career change. I decided to transition from academia to industrial research.

Two and a half months ago, I moved to Boston- the mecca of biotech and pharmaceutical research and the city of dreams, ‘sapno ka sheher’ for many. Moving to a big city like Boston alone without my husband scared me. After having seen the good, bad and the ugly of a LDR, I was not ready for another one. It is undeniably hard and inflicts a lot of emotional damage. It always feels like I exist in two places- half here and the rest in Nashville with my husband and our fur baby. After moving to Boston, I had to relearn to be on my own. Finding a temporary housing and living with two complete strangers as roommates was not fun. There have been days when I came back home from work and broke down because I missed by family. I was so intimidated by the public transportation system when I first got here. I am ashamed to admit that I still avoid changing from red to green or orange line in the T and uber instead if I need to go somewhere other than work! On top of everything, settling down in the new office and befriending new people at work is no simple task either, especially for an introvert and socially awkward person like myself.

However, the scariest things in life can also be rewarding at times. Boston is a busy city. And you get a weird contentment after being part of the same big city hustle that every individual here is going through. There is also no greater joy than discovering your new favorite chai joint in the city or correctly following the GPS and reaching a new park by the riverfront (well, sometimes!) or making a new best friend in an adorable doggie named Turbo while commuting the T!

And now, finally, I am gearing up to fly back to Nashville for one last time to help my husband and Princess Waffle move to Boston. How do you say goodbye to a city that was your home for four years? Nashville was our home. I am lucky enough to feel this way about more than one city. But I read somewhere that you merely lose the vessel, not the memories and that you just have to build a new place to hold them.

How long will we live in Boston? Will we build the next phase of our life and grow old here? I guess we will find out!