My writing schedule has been extremely erratic this year because I don’t have as much time these days. But it’s almost the end of the year and 2025 is just around the corner. It’s time to take a pause and reflect on the year that has been. Not just the milestones, the giggles, the cherished moments, but also the chaos, the tears. The trips that did not happen or the goals not reached. Of the mistakes I made, the words I wish I had not said, or the chances I did not take.

Of the cherished times, worth mentioning is my visit to India during spring earlier this year. Since our wedding, this was the first time my spouse and I had traveled to see our family together. It was incredibly rewarding to reconnect with my family. So much changes in the span of a couple of years! We soaked in the intoxicating smells, sounds and sights of everything we grew up around, from the walls of my childhood home to walks in the alleys where we went to college, places we used to visit during our courtship days! It was overwhelming in a good way and made me feel alive! The best part was my mother flew with us to the United States and stayed with us for a couple of months. The bond she developed with our furbaby, the memories we created- I will always keep them close to my heart.

Healthwise, this year has been full of ups and downs for me. The year started with a strange pain in my right hips and legs and left flank. My medical journey took me from one specialist to another, one diagnostic test to the other. After a long list of imaging and bloodwork, and a few thousands of dollars out of pocket, most of my doctors are now washing their hands off because they cannot seem to find anything wrong. And the fact that I otherwise seem fine and not unhealthy or sick further contributes to them not taking my symptoms seriously. I have repeatedly asked for more tests, more bloodwork, of the rarer markers. But I could not persuade them. One of my doctors prescribed a medication meant to treat chronic complex pain which is helping to some extent. It did make it possible for me to go back to the gym which was unimaginable to me at the start of the year. However, the medication did not alleviate all my symptoms. At this point, I am still living in crippling uncertainty, hoping to find an answer to what my body is trying to tell me before it’s too late. And all this health battle also started to affect my mental health. I felt fatigued, and overwhelmed at times. But I really want to take a moment to applaud my husband for his silent yet steadfast support in my struggles. I know that as long as he is with me, come what may, together, we will push through.

In all, this year taught me to stop trying to control everything and to surrender to what I cannot change. I learnt a valuable lesson, that I cannot fix everything. Sometimes all we need to do is show up and embrace life’s messiness and uncertainties. The fact that I made it to the year end, I feel proud for not giving up when it was the darkest, and clinging to optimism for brighter days. I have withstood health issues and faced demons that others might never know about, and I did my best. I woke up every day and showed up for life. Even on days my body felt like it almost broke me, I showed up as if every day was a new opportunity, and got through the day. I kept reminding myself of the wonderful privileges I have, that I don’t have to, but I get to. I tried to be as happy and upbeat as possible. I kept living the best I could. I survived. And that to me, is enough. That to me, is a victory.

I don’t know what 2025 has in store for me. More storm or sunshine. Will I find answers to my undiagnosed health issues and be able to resolve them? I don’t know. But I will hold on to hope. I will hold on to love. I will hold on to healing. I look forward to things hopefully improving in the new year. I look forward to more family time, increased laughter and more memories.

Happy holidays and happy new year 2025 in advance!